a new beginning

Once upon a time, years ago, I had a blog. I loved it, but then I went off to college and became too busy to continue it. The other day, though, my nutritionist suggested I return. My life is completely different now. However, after a few days of contemplation, I've realized it might be a good idea.

I logged on to my old blog and began flipping through the entries, when a realization came and slapped me across the jaw: I'm not that person anymore. So I decided to start over, fresh. I don't even know what this will consist of, or what it will end up being. I'm pretty positive no one will even read this, and honestly, I like it better that way. I used to write my blog for others; oh, sure, I used to say it was for myself, but inside I lived off of the sparse comments friends would leave me. Not so anymore, though. I'm not that person.

Since then, I have graduated from college and have married a wonderful man named Mark. I learned a lot, but I still feel like I don't really know much of anything. I cuss now, and I've had a few sips to drink. Honestly, I don't think this makes me any less of a holy person. I never cuss when I'm angry, and I never drink in excess.

A few short months ago, I was diagnosed with major depression and an eating disorder. Even though I still feel like this really isn't my life, it's what I'm living day to day. I have a therapist, and a doctor, and a nutritionist, though, so I'm getting better. I've learned that if you're shivering alone in the middle of the night, naked, unprotected, it seems like an eternity before the morning will finally come and grace your cold body with its presence. There is one thing that you can be sure of, though: morning is inevitable. It always comes, even if it seems like the sun has skipped over to a different galaxy for a little while. It will return, and darkness will end.

The only thing that hasn't changed in my life is that I am still saved. I don't want this to be some sort of "preachy" thing like my other blog was. But I can't deny that Jesus is the greatest Savior. Since those early years, though, I have learned so much more about him. He is redeeming me literally every moment of every second of every day. I believe in his great love and his power to bend his explosive light to shine on those who love him in return.

So I'm making it. And for now, that's enough.