green with envy?

So I watched the movie "The Blind Side" over Thanksgiving break. And I can't count the times since then that I've thought, I wish I were more like Leigh Anne Tuohy.

Honestly, I spend far too much time thinking about all the people I wish I were more like. My best friend Katie is everything I've ever wished I could be, so I think daily about how I wish I could perform some Freaky Friday stunt and switch lives with her (well, really, I don't want that because I don't want to curse her as being me). The thoughts of "who I'd rather be" nag at me day and night, all the time.

I wish I were more compassionate like my husband.

I wish I could cook like Rachael Ray (we have the same name, shouldn't we have some of the same talent?).

I wish I had an awesome job like my sister.

I wish I were brave like Harry Potter.

I wish I could dress as cute as a J.Crew model.

I wish I could play the guitar like my dad.

I wish I could create my own world like Tolkein, Lewis, Rowling, or Dahl.

I wish I could play Rockband like my sister's friend Tony.

And the list drones on.

But as I am sitting here thinking about all this, what good does it do? None. The only thing it does is make me extremely tired. Wanting to be someone else all the time is wearisome.

If I had to guess, I'd say that envy is the most wearisome of all the deadly sins. Obviously, someone who is slothful is probably pretty well-rested. A prideful person probably can go to sleep at night thinking they're awesome. Wrath, lust, and gluttony can all be acted upon. It's possible to explode on someone with anger, to have an affair, or to eat way past the moment that the hunger light goes off. Even greedy people have goals that are often attainable; they just want more of what they already have. However, people who are envious often want what they cannot have. It is impossible to switch bodies, families, talents, or every bit of your stuff with anyone. (Okay, I realize the last one is possible. Just not too probable unless you get on some crazy reality show, and then it's probably not real anyway.)

Perhaps, then, God created us to be satisfied with who we are. Ah, now there's a thought.

It's so easy to argue this. God is tough one to argue with, though.

But if I were just more beautiful like her, I'd be more successful. If I were a talented businessman like him, I'd be able to provide better for my family.

"All beautiful you are, my darling, there is no flaw in you," God retorts. "Commit your work to the Lord, then it will succeed."

But if I could be a professional sports star, or a famous actor, I'd use my fame for your glory.

God continues, "Your frame was not hidden from me when you were made in the secret place. When you were woven together in the depths of the earth, my eyes saw your unformed body. All the days ordained for you were written in my book before one of them came to be."

But what about my family? Why is my father so abusive? My mother such a broken excuse for a human? Is it wrong for me to long for something whole?

"But you know me, for I live with you and will be in you." He proclaims, "I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you."

But, what if I --

"No."

But, if I just could be like --

"No."

How about --

"No. I created you just as you are, and you need to enjoy my creation in yourself."

As tired as I get from being envious, I wonder how tired God is of telling me that I'm finding myself in all the wrong things?